Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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