Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
