She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
