I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
