i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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