i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
