if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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