I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
