I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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