I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
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