he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
