why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
