I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
