where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
