My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
