Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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