i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Operation Purity has been aborted
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Randomize
