too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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