I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
