It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Randomize
