The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
