$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Panties = found
Randomize
