not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
