If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
