Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
