You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
