okay pat passed out under dana's car
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
this just has baby written all over it
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Is Oprah even human
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
