Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
