imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
