Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
