my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
