Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
