ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
oh god was she eating orange peels again
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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