she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
