Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
