Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
