i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
