Kareoke will never be a sober sport
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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