I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
