to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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