i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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