bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
