I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
we made out on top of his cat.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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