that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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