I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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