Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
