There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
