someone get that fucking seahorse.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
