I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
