is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
