too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
