I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
