he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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